You can be the ONE that helps
Do you ever just wonder how you got where you are in life? It's like you
took a blink of an eye and all of a sudden there was a 180 in your
entire life plan? I know that feeling all too well. If you would have
asked me a year and
half ago where I would be today, I wouldn't have an answer, and I
absolutely would not believe I would hold the title for Miss North Dakota International,
but everything happens for a reason and I have learned from my own
mistakes that life can and will get better.
Summer 2016 - I was living life in a way to
just get by. I was drained, irritable, and I only wanted to sleep or
go out for a night of drinking with my friends to get my mind off of my
own pain. I remember getting off of work
and heading straight to my room until I would cry myself to sleep, and
wake up and do it all again. This summer was different for me. I felt
completely alone, abandoned, and lost. I realized I was behind farther
in school after I switched majors, I had
moved towns, and recently ended a very long relationship. It was like
life wanted to push me down on purpose to see how I would react.
I had my own family worried, and whenever
they would call I would laugh and say I was fine. I was living life
recklessly. I was on several medications to prevent my blood from
clotting, as that spring I had developed several clots
in my heart and lungs, and other medications that definitely didn't mix
well with alcohol. But, I did what I wanted and if it made me feel good
for just one moment I was looking for my escape. I was on a fast track
to disaster.
Come end of June beginning of July, I met
someone. I met a friend, someone who just lit this fire inside my soul.
Someone who indirectly showed me that life could be more, and they would
love me for all of my flaws. This person
doesn't know that I owe my 180 to them, and maybe they never will.
I visited my primary care physician and got
serious about my depression, I told her how I was coping and she just
giggled and said, "Sweetie, that isn't coping. You're a strong girl but
sometimes we all need a little help." She
gave me several natural methods to reduce stress and handle my
depression but also prescribed and anti-depressant.
I was embarrassed for the longest time of
admitting I had to take a "happy" pill. I was always an upbeat soul and
had a hard time getting down. It was a shock that I needed some thing to
balance my own chemicals in my brain to help
me function. It wasn't until I was asked during a seminar while
visiting my own highschool sharing suicide prevention and awareness, I
was asked, "do you struggle with depression?" I was taken back, no one
had flat out asked me about my own mental health.
My first reaction was to say reply with a no, but then I caught myself
and I decided I was feeding into the stigma of mental health. I was
going to be truthful and honest. I told that entire gym on how I met
with my PCP and how she explained that depression
is a chemical imbalance, and it's like when you're physically sick you
take medication to get better, and sometimes your brain gets a cold and
gets thrown off and needs to hit the reset button.
So, still today with life going better than I
could imagine. I struggle with depression. But instead of reaching for
the bottle I talk to my friends and family about my struggles and they
lift my spirits right back up. They let
me know that I wasn't alone and I had a shoulder to lean on.
For you who maybe trying to find an escape
from your problems with an unhealthy behavior I urge you to talk to a
friend or a family member and get the right help you deserve. I couldn't
imagine where my life would be if I had continued
down that strong path of disaster.
Forever and Always,
Siam Simpfenderfer
Miss North Dakota International 2017
