Three things I have learned though my Journey as a Foster/Adopt Mom
Three and a half years ago my husband and I stood
at the beginning of a great adventure that we didn’t plan and didn’t
expect. We knew only one thing…that God
had called us to be foster parents.
In August of 2010 we got our license in the mail on
a Tuesday afternoon and the very next morning we got a call:
Hello. Can you take a 3 ½ year old boy placement? Oh
and by-the-way he will be separated from his brother if you don’t take them both.
Of course we took them both!
My son and I have been talking lately about the
first time we met. He remembers that my
van was blue and that my hands were cold and that he was very scared. Well, I was terrified too. He and I, we don’t like change very much and
our lives were about to be turned upside down.
Twenty months later three beautiful brown-eyed
children officially joined with our three blue-eyed children and we became a
family of eight.
Adoption has taught me so many lessons, but I am
going to share three with you today, one for each of my adopted children.
1- The first lesson is this: Stay in the moment!
I know I have today. Instead of worrying about the future and the
what-if’s; or the past and the way I blew it.
I need to stay here in this moment and make this moment count.
As a foster parent you aren’t
promised tomorrow. You never know how
long “this” is what your family is going to look like. Loving a child unreservedly as your own,
while knowing that at anytime they could be reconciled with their birth parent
is like wearing your heart outside your body.
The only way to look forward is to not think about the end, but about
today! The moment that I do have, this
could be my last chance I get to change this life. I had better use it to God’s glory.
As we moved into an adoptive
parent it has been just as important for me to stay in the moment. Parenting is hard. I can worry about so much: did I discipline right, make the right
decision about this or that. How can I
be all that they need when they need so much?
The solution…Staying in the moment, trusting that at this time God will
make-up for all I’m not, as a parent with all that He is. Doing the best I can right here, right now.
2-
Lesson two is this: Adoption is bigger than one child. (Or in my
case three).
Foster care and
adoption is the intersection of countless other lives: birth mothers and fathers, caseworkers,
counselors, doctors, teachers, grandparents, siblings, attorneys all combine to
form one big network of lives forever impacting each other.
When we started
foster care, my biggest hesitation about becoming a foster parent was “the
system”. That same network of people I
came to depend on. I came to realize
that “those people” – You out there who fought for my children and fight for
all of these. You love our kids. Caring for them and their birth families and
their foster families - that’s not just a job for you. You are wearing your hearts outside your
bodies too.
As we transitioned
into an adoptive family, I realized that I was asking everyone around me to
adopt too. My parents would get more
grandchildren. My sister would get new
nephews and a niece, my friends had to want to invite over six kids now. We became a lot to handle.
New relationships and
rules had to be established with my children’s birth family. We are blessed to have settled into such a
good place. We not only gained three
kids, but a set of grandparents, a pair of great-grandparents, and a couple of
awesome Aunts, Uncles, and cousins.
My kids have a wide
circle of people caring for them and loving on them. Adoption is bigger than just the one or two
children we are adopting.
3-
My third lesson is this – I’m really not as
selfless as I need to be.
I was married, I had three kids,
I thought I had this selfless thing down.
Nope! I was wrong. God showed me that I was holding really
tightly to my things. I liked my clean
house. I liked having all the laundry
done.
Adding three children to my
family changed me. I am not the same
women who kept her living room clean by just not allowing anyone to go in
it. I have learned to peel open my grip
on stuff. I can focus on others. Now my living room has faded to a
creamish-brown, I call it Shabby Chic.
My home isn’t as clean as it once
was and lots of times the laundry sits in piles, but I’m happier. I’m learning that being a parent is a
selfless act and being the parent of a foster or adoptive child is even more
so.
I’m a slow learner though and I
still find myself on time out once in a while.
Three and a half years ago my adventure
started. Adoption wasn’t the plan we had
or the end we say, but it is where we are.
And it is right where we are supposed to be. I am glad that as my journey continues, I
will continue it not alone, but with my family.
An unknown author says this about the end of the
journey:
I
do not ask that thou shoulds’t give me some high and noble task.
Give
me a little hand to hold in mine. Give
me a little child to point thy way over the sweet, sweet path that leads to
You. Give me a little voice to teach to
pray. Give me two shining eyes thy face
to see. The only crown I ask to wear is
this…
That
I may teach a little child. I do not ask
that I may stand among the wise, the worthy or the great; I only ask that
softly, hand-in-hand a child and I may enter at the gate.