True friends recognize when something isn't quite right and that sometimes our path needs to be redirected. Thank you Carolyn and Bradley, Allison and Kathy for recognizing and listening. Just three weeks before all of my paperwork was due for Nationals I made the leap to change my platform. This is a tough topic for me but I feel the need to share my personal story in hopes to help others who are struggling.
“An angel in the book of life wrote down our babies births and She whispered as she closed the book ‘Too beautiful for Earth.’” -Author Unknown
I refer to 2007 as my dark year. My husband and I were newly married and excited to add to our family. We got pregnant right away but just 6 weeks later everything changed. We suffered a miscarriage. Although many people said it was probably better and there may have been something ‘wrong’ with the baby, I had an extremely difficult time coming to terms with the loss of our child. It was an ‘early loss’, but it was our baby. Our hopes and dreams were shattered.
Just a few months later we were able to get pregnant again. Much too soon our hopes and dreams were shattered again. This time though I came very close to losing my life along with our baby. It was a Sunday afternoon, and I was suddenly in severe discomfort. After some time had a passed we knew something wasn't right. We went to our local emergency room where I was a diagnosed with a bladder infection and sent home. We learned an important lesson that day, to follow your instincts. I knew something wasn't right and even questioned the diagnosis but was reassured that was all it was and we were thrilled that we weren't losing our baby again; or so we thought. Twelve long and excruciating hours later after passing out in various places throughout our home I apparently found my way back to bed at some point. Early the next morning we really didn't know what we were dealing with but I had never been in so much pain. My husband works in the agriculture industry and this was April 30 which meant he was extremely busy. So we opted to have my dad take me to the clinic to see my healthcare provider. When we finally got to the clinic my blood pressure was dangerously low and I was sent immediately for an ultrasound. This revealed exactly what my doctor thought; I had suffered an ectopic pregnancy, my Fallopian tube had ruptured and I had excessive internal bleeding. I almost lost my life on the drive to a larger medical facility. Surgery was performed upon arrival, I survived, but we lost another baby. I had to convince myself how fortunate I was to be alive, but now I had to heal both physically and emotionally as I lost almost all hope.
Time passed and we were thrilled but apprehensive when we were able to get pregnant again. Just a short time later we miscarried. We were then referred to an infertility clinic. I lost so much hope and didn't have any support to turn to. I spent hours online trying to diagnose myself and no one knew what I was dealing with emotionally. I felt like a complete failure.
After many early mornings and tests we knew nothing more than when we started. We needed to get pregnant again to find out more. I was put on fertility medication and tried some procedures, nothing worked! We took a break over the Holiday and by the grace of God we were able to get pregnant on our own. Nine months later we welcomed a lively little girl into our lives and just shy of two years later a little boy. We are blessed!