Spring break was this past week and I had a great time with my family. My family, minus my mom, went down to the cities to do some shopping for a couple days. It is so hard not having my mom be able to travel, because I know that she wants to go so bad. It would be way too hard on her body if she did come with, and we would need extra help. I was talking with my mom before we left, and I was catching her up on everything that I have been doing in school and with the pageant. She was so excited to hear everything. We talked for quite a while and before we knew it, it was getting late and she needed to head back to the nursing home to get ready for bed.
I need to stop for a minute here to explain for those who don’t know why my mom is in a nursing home. When I was a sophomore in high school my mom had to move into our local nursing home because we were no longer able to provide her with the help that she needed. Coming from a small community, it is hard to find 24 hour care that you can afford. My family is so blessed because our nursing home is only a house away, so my mom is able to drive her wheelchair home. It is nice that she is still able to get home and has that option.
So…..moving on with my story…..As I was saying goodbye to my mom, she started to have the look on her face when she is about to cry. I immediately asked her what was wrong, because I cannot stand to see my mom cry. When she cries it tears me to pieces. As she was fighting back the tears, she told me that she wished she could help me with everything that I am doing. I wanted to start crying myself, because as her daughter I know she would do anything to help me out in any way she could. I told her that she is helping me out in more ways than she thinks, because she is my supporter through all of this. I told her that without her I wouldn’t be able to get through my days. I could tell that it made her feel better, but it is still hard every day to do things without her that she wishes she could do. I think that the hardest thing of all in this next year will be the fact that she will not be able to watch me compete in Chicago. I know that it is really going to tear her up, because I know she would do anything to watch me compete for the title of Miss International. It will just make me stronger, knowing that I am doing it for her.
On the brighter side of things, I did have a great time shopping in Mall of America and spending time with my dad and siblings. We had no idea that a collection of Princess Diana’s things were going to be on display at the mall. My sister was looking at something online and saw it the night before we went and she and I flipped. Princess Diana has always been a person we, along with my mom, have looked up to in life. I did a huge project on her in high school and I have read many books about her life. We of course went to it, and it was jaw dropping. The most magnificent thing that we got to see was her wedding dress! It really was a once in a lifetime opportunity to take a look at all her stuff and it really made my year. It was hard to tell my mom that we got to see a lot of her stuff, because my mom loved her and of course would have loved to see it as well.
My advice this week is to remember that life is too short, take chances and don’t regret anything you do because “everything happens for a reason….just believe”! This is my favorite quote and I have lived by this quote for a very long time. It really gets me through tough times, along with faith, when I don’t understand at that exact moment why it is happening. I know God has a plan for me so I trust in Him to let things happen the way they do.
Miss North Dakota International 2012